Last weekend at the wedding of my very good friends I came to talk to people about what we do, how we do it, if we like it, if we can make a living of it etc. I was kind of happy with talking about my job to be sitting on the couch watching youtube videos. I’m happy not to feel the pressure of finding a job yesterday (even though slowly but surely it pops up in my head rather often again).
Sitting on the couch definitely is nice. But it surely doesn’t tell who I am and what I can do.
So now I’m wondering. Is it too much of understatement to talk about myself as a youtube watcher and not tell people what I actually can do? How do the things I do professionally (or could do professionally) define me? How come I feel so under-confident to talk about my “skills”? Did being a mother make me feel self-conscious about what my professional skills are? (Maybe. Nobody would do a job that meant not being paid for a shitload of work with nobody noticing. (Yesyes: the smile of your kid pays off… I know)) Did my growing up situation (not to blame my parents only) make myself feel self-conscious? (Probably.) Or do I still have issues with being a social worker (amongst others)?
I wish I could rather focus on what I like to do instead of what I studied and have “licensed” with a diploma. I wish I could stop thinking about myself as what I work is who I am. But believing in what I can do and makes me happy is who I am.
Am I on the right way by feeling good about talking about myself as a youtube watcher?